Who cares about titles? BABY PICTURES

Happy Holidays/New Years/Appropriate Seasonal Greeting/Whatever you do or don’t celebrate!

God it’s been a while, huh? It feels like I’m always doing a post apologizing for being too busy to write and saying I’m going to try better only to do the whole song and dance again four months or so later. (This probably is like, the second or third time I’ve made this same observation; I’m honestly too scared to check.)

Life has been rough for a while now. I’ve had some serious personal losses that I haven’t wanted to talk about here. But since these events were so big and are things I’m still dealing with this ended up making me want to write less and less. I don’t know if I will write about what’s been going on lately (I don’t think anyone wants another influx of negativity and sadness) but I will try harder to find a way to get writing back. I might write up a whole account of the bull shit that’s been going on and just like, not do anything with it. Just try to get the whole shebang out and see if that’ll help me move past it to write about some of the better things that have been happening.

Ivy is almost seven months old now (!!!) and has been an absolute joy. She’s eating solid foods now with her milk and has been enjoying tasting new fruits and veggies when she can. I’m going to have to start giving her meat soon for the iron but I’m going to look into crafting my own foodstuffs for her in that department since I have yet to find a commercial baby meat product (that’s meat product for babies, not meat product made out of babies) that doesn’t look, smell and (I assume) taste like cat food/vomit. Seriously, corporate America, get your shit together on this. The first one of you to make a baby meat food that doesn’t taste like total dog-ass will probably earn ALL of the money as desperate parents flock to your products in droves.

BUT ENOUGH BLABBITY BLAB. LET’S SEE SOME ADORABLE FREAKING PHOTOS OF MY DAUGHTER ALREADY! I’m only gonna post one up front and the rest will be after the jump.

ivy-hat

More after the jump!

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30 Weeks and Some Change

So as of today I am 30 weeks and four days into my pregnancy. I’ll give you all a moment to let that fact sink in because it sure as hell hasn’t done so for me yet.

You know, I thought there was supposed to be a point where your entire brain would just agree that you’re pregnant and stop fighting it. You know, no more of this, “I don’t know why you’re looking at registry stuff, it’s not like we’re pregnant.” And the rest of my brain is just like, “Uh, actually Jerry, yes we are.” And Jerry just laughs and goes back to his violent video games thinking, “Aw man, can you believe those suckers? Actually thinking we’re gonna have a baby?

Get your shit together Jerry.

Granted it’s getting harder for Jerry to maintain his denial if only because I can feel the baby move so frequently now. I have my system that my doctor gave me for keeping track of movement but I have to admit I’m not religious with it or anything. I only do the sit very still to count thing if it’s been a while since I last noticed a pirouette or choreographed dance fight in there (that’s what it feels like anyway). Otherwise I’m content with just feeling the movements as they happen and boy howdy have they been happening. I have so far described my baby’s movements to people as, “like a cat on crack,” “as if a squirrel and a ferret were having hate sex in there,” and, “there is a small invasion of locust monsters occurring in my uterus and my baby is the only one fighting them off.”

The movement has been the most interesting thing and that, along with a growth ultrasound I had last Monday, has been the most telling thing when it comes to this little one’s in utero personality.

The growth ultrasound happened because at my last ob appointment my doc was concerned with the apparent lack of change in my uterus’s size. Starting around the end of the second trimester they start measuring from the top of your pubic bone to the top of your uterus (called the fundus, which is the best word ever in my opinion) because your uterus’s size in centimeters will roughly equal what number of weeks you’re at. So it’s an easy, non-invasive way for them to make sure your baby is growing on schedule.

So mine looked like it wasn’t really which made my doctor look slightly pensive and worried but surprisingly didn’t shake me as much as I thought it would. Maybe I’m actually starting to believe my doctor when she practically bends over backwards to assure me that these things most commonly turn out to be nothing! And guess what? It was nothing!

At the growth ultrasound the baby was measuring 3lb 5oz which is right on target/maybe a little bit big for the week I was on. (Internet was saying baby’s weight about 2.75 lb at this point and yes, I know that weight measured by u/s can be extremely inaccurate but the point is that my baby was not coming up as an anemic, scrawny little peanut which is all anyone was checking on.)

The tech was trying to get me a good 3D photo of the baby’s face but boy howdy was baby not cooperating. They took refuge from the camera in my left side, keeping their face (and only their face) as pressed against my left hip as was humanly possible and refused to stir for any reason. No matter what position I shifted to or how much the tech poked and mildly assaulted my tummy (I’m glad they always let me pee before an u/s cause otherwise I’m fairly certain all this poking and pushing would make me pee on the table!) the baby stayed with their face firmly encased against my soft, pliable uterus. So the tech took a 3D picture of their butt instead.

When she handed it to me she said, “Make sure to tell them when they’re older that this photo wouldn’t exist if they had just been more cooperating about having their picture taken.”

When I told this story to my mom she laughed and said, “So: stubborn, camera shy and a cuddler. Gee, I wonder who the baby takes after!”

The only other thing of note is that now I can interact with the baby through my womb which is honestly kind of the coolest thing ever. When the baby is starting a kicking jaunt I’ve taken to tapping rhythmically on the outside of my uterus, right over where they kick. Every time I do this there is a little pause and I swear I can almost hear the confusion coming from in there. Then the baby will shift and start kicking somewhere else. So I tap where they kicked again. I sort of end up chasing them all around my tummy, tapping at their toes. Sometimes I’ll tap away from their feet and that’s when they chase me, kicking where I tap.

It’s super cool to know that the baby is big and responsive enough to pay attention to what I’m doing and it really drives home the point that there is a BABY in there and it is MY BABY and oh God, it’s gonna be BORN SOON and holy crap holy crap holy crap holy crap!

Granted, this game is not without its “risks.” I say this having accidentally grabbed my baby’s foot through my skin the other day. I was just making little pinchy motions on my tummy cause I was itchy and the baby pushed their feet up right as I did so and I sort of grabbed the foot and felt that it was a foot through my skin and oh God I’m pretty sure I traumatized us both.

So those are the fun parts of 30 weeks. I could go on about the unfun things like the acid reflux or the inability to pick things up anymore of the uncomfortable hugeness but I can save it for another time. I’m too busy poking at this awesome little person-to-be inside of me and wondering what it’ll be like when I finally get to meet them face to face.